I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm too high and old for this...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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