dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
