well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
