It's Friday. Sex?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
