I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
