Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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