a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
