yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
