i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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