im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
