Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
