please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
