Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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