We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
