Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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