She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I need water and some morals
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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