I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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