Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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