Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize