he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize