I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
