I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
