fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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