he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
