I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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