True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
