let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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