dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Im part way to drunk.
Sorry about my life...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
