I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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