Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
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