belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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