my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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