Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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