He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
