my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
