It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
