Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
