just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Randomize