she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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