This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My dick has a subreddit
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
