I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
