You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
