He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
