Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
