apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Damn victory sex feels great
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
