i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
