I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
