I wish I only lived at night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
