I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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