Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
