just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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