I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
