every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
