You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
