Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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