Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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