You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
