So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
