Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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