ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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