I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
