i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I deserve this hangover.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
