I murdered the dance floor call the cops
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
