I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
