I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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