I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We talked him into tasing himself.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
