maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also, beer. Big fan.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
