I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
