its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
