you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Watching her eat just hurts me
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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