she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize