This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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