I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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