i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
