it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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