just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
it's great music for shaving your balls
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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