put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
