period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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