I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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