I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
